Is Life Turning Out Differently Than You Expected? A Conversation with Kadi Cole
Is life turning out differently than you expected? An Interview with Kadi Cole.
Do you ever have a coffee with somebody and afterward you just know that a part of you is different? You are fundamentally changed. Well, reheat your coffee and grab a notebook, because this is that kind of experience! Already in my life I’m incorporating some of the tools and wisdom I learned from Kadi, and I just know it will help you too!
Kadi Cole has authored a bestselling book, Developing Female Leaders, that highlights the specific challenges women in leadership face. The suggested best practices offer steps for men and women to work better together. Written for high level leadership teams, Developing Female Leaders provides a framework to shift culture and create change in church and in business.
“Most of the time we have a lot of vision. We have a lot of resources. We don’t have enough qualified and competent leaders to be able to carry that mission out.”
Men’s Role in Female Leadership
This is the right time for women to step up in leadership. Kadi shares how God has been shifting culture and how she noticed a growing number of men in leadership are determined to encourage leadership development in women. They want to grow all the leaders, but they are finding there’s a disconnect. Men in leadership intentionally want to do better.
“There is a space here that we’re missing each other, and we’re missing each other not because men don’t want women leading and women don’t want to lead, but somehow what these guys are saying is coming out incorrectly or it doesn’t accurately represent their heart. Or the way these women are hearing it is offensive and is actually turning them away from leadership. We have SO many things to work on in ministry, the last thing we need to do is miss each other just because we’re miscommunicating.”
Shifting Priorities: Don’t Overfill Your Plate
Around the 6 minute mark, Kadi shares her personal story about the process of writing a book. “When God has called you to something, you don’t have to make it happen for yourself, you don’t have to know the right people, you don’t have to hustle it to death. You have to do your part, pay attention to who God brings you. You just have to walk through it. Do the active part and let God open the doors and be willing to walk through them.”
Discussing priorities, Kadi challenges us to think about our life not as a giant turkey plate that we just keep piling with more responsibilities, but as a tiered cake stand. As we move up in leadership we don’t hold on to everything, we let go of some of our old priorities and focus more on the new level we’re at.
At the 9 minute mark in the video, Kadi shares some of her life hacks and suggests we should outsource the areas that aren’t important. “If He’s called us to something for a season, He’s going to give us grace for all the things we can’t get to.”
As we go deeper into defining what our calling is, and recognizing the unique strengths in ourselves and others. Kadi reflects on her personal journey, and challenges leaders to be open to change.
“Every job, every role, every ministry is going to come to an end. In fact, the way you watch leaders burn out or burn down their ministry is when they hold onto something longer because they took it as a forever assignment instead of a seasonal assignment. The length of the season is determined by the Lord. That’s what we have to discern.”
Do you know your mission statement?
If you do the work to uncover your purpose, it will be easier to do what God has specifically called you to and trust Him in the process. At minute 23 of the video, Kadi reveals some golden nuggets of truth through the Isrealites journey in the desert, and how you can embrace transition well.
(25:00) In making space for people, try to balance what being honest looks like while honouring the place that you’re at. Try not to criticize, but ask some questions. “I’ve noticed there aren’t any women here. Why is that? Were there women here before? Did something happen here?” Try and find out the reason, without being critical. Criticism loses. Shift the perspective so including women on the team feels like progress, not criticism.
You need to be healthy in order to be the bridge. Let’s face it, you’re outnumbered! There are far fewer women in leadership positions and it can be very lonely and isolating. Kadi’s research confirms that women need a safe place to share ideas and sharpen one another. (Shameless plug for SHE Cohorts!) You need peer support and mentoring to be able to walk out your calling well. Make sure you have Godly women around you to lift you up!
4 Tips from Kadi Cole on how to build a healthy team (38:00):
Try to rally the team together. Remind them that there are opportunities for great leaders of both genders.
Build individual relationships. Learn their joys and burdens. God knows their calling and may have been placing dreams and ideas in their hearts ahead of time for this season.
Foster the “Family Dinner” atmosphere. Be careful not to only focus on each member's relationship with the boss. A big piece of being the leader is making sure all the brothers and sisters are getting along.
Diversity. Try and aim for a diverse team of 30%. Cultivate a “together culture”.
Is your life turning out differently than you expected?
When asked what advice Kadi would give her younger self (43:00), her advice was to plan to live to be one hundred years old. In her mid thirties she was disappointed- her goals weren’t coming together in the timeline she hoped. Has this happened to you too? When she learned how to be patient and pace herself she could actually enjoy the journey. Instead of trying to get all the amazing things at the same time, plan to spread them out over a hundred years and you’ll always have some amazingness in your life!
In closing, Kadi reminds you that God Cares. He cares about the little things and the big things. He cares about your family, your fears, and even your wardrobe malfunction. If you care about something, He does too. When we start to feel overwhelmed, it could be that we’ve forgotten that He’s in this with us. You’re not alone.
You should read the book Developing Female Leaders. You can get it here on Amazon. In it, Kadi provides eight research based best practices men and women can incorporate to develop healthy business and churches.
If you’re a woman in ministry you’ll want to join the Facebook group “Ministry Chicks”, for peer support and resources.
Kadi does church and ministry consulting for leaders. You can find out more about Kadi at her website www.kadicole.com